• Devora Krasnianski

On a date, be other-conscious, not self- conscious

by Devora Krasnianski, founder of Adai Ad Institute

There are only a certain number of brain cells you can use during a date.  Being self-conscious limits your ability to express yourself fully.  It also limits your ability to be fully aware. If you are using too many brain cells trying to impress or being self conscious, you really can’t get to know the other person.

During a a date, you should be looking out for cues to get to know the essence of the other person.  But if you are self conscious and trying to figure out what to say and do so that you’ll appear perfect or wittier, smarter than who you are, then you can’t be paying all that much attention to the other person.  It just doesn’t work that way.

To really get to know someone, you have to stop being self conscious and be more  other conscious.

People want to see the ‘real you’ – flaws and all.

People who are less self-conscious come across as more interesting, more alive, more human. Because they are not that concerned with seeming perfect, they actually will say and do more interesting and quirky things.

You’re better off being ‘yourself’, and saying a few things that are not all that smart or witty, and then handling those with grace and composure. That’s more real, more human than being flawless.  It also makes the other person feel more comfortable around you.

Enjoy the freedom of being your imperfect self; it will help both of you get to know each other’s ‘real self’.

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