• Devora Krasnianski

When suggesting a shiduch, ask for permission

by Devora Krasnianski, founder of Adai Ad Institute

Consider this:

Yossi has been dating Leah for 3 weeks. There is a lot he likes about her and he really thinks that they might be compatible. But… not quite yet.  He always wanted someone more outgoing to help bring him out of his own shell.  He has a few small concerns, so he is just not quite ready to make his decision. Typical dating anxiety.

Then, he gets an email: “Hello Yossi. I couldn’t get through to your mother, so I’m contacting you directly. Here’s Chanie’s picture and profile. She is [all the wonderful qualities]. And she is outgoing. Perfect for you. Let me know.” From a well meaning friend.

Now, Yossi is in a real bind. Should he stop seeing Leah for now and meet Chanie? She does sound even more like what he is looking for.  Maybe there is something better out there? But is that fair to Leah; she does seem wonderful too?  Is Leah expendable? Will she be around if Chanie isn’t the one?  More stress!  More dating anxiety!

This really could have been prevented with a simple question:  “Can I suggest a shiduch for you?”  And only with permission, should you talk about another shiduch possibility.

Think about it from their perspective. We really don’t know what is going on in other people’s lives. We don’t know if the timing is right.

So simple –  ask first.

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