There are NO RULES in Shiduchim - 4


What to do when you receive a “it’s not shayach”?

  • Take a deep breath and be grateful that your single did not spend more time and energy dating someone who is not shayach.


  • Be grateful that you didn’t expend more energy doing more research.


  • If no explanation was given, don’t poke around for one. See above about why people don’t share their reasons.


  • Move on. The shiduch is out there. No point in expending any energy on trying to make someone want to pursue the shiduch.


  • Don’t take the ‘its not shayach’ personally. There are many many more people who are not shayach for your single than are.  You may have been hoping that this would be the ‘one’ and you might feel frustrated or upset that you must continue your search. Don’t let that emotion take over and make you sensitive and take things personally.


  • Sometimes, it just might be that other family is busy looking into something else and the timing isn’t right, so they don’t give it any thought and throw out a ‘it’s not shayach’, or ‘not now’. Ideally, this information would be shared with the shadchan and relayed to you. However, in reality it often is not. So, you can come back at a later point to the family through the same shadchan or someone else and have the suggestion brought up again.










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